Answer: Orgasm is a choice, not an obligation. You've identified some important issues when it comes to being orgasmic: control and fear. But take heart, both can be overcome and you can learn to become orgasmic. There are a number of steps involved to becoming orgasmic including: Learning to identify what pleases you (generally and genitally); learning to feel more comfortable telling your lover how to please you; immersing yourself in pleasure without a goal; learning to relax and go with the feelings of pleasure; learning to touch yourself in ways that feel good and guilt-free; and involving your partner in your self-pleasuring. You and your partner might also want to look at two excellent videos: Becoming Orgasmic and Unlocking the Secrets of the G-Spotand Multiples: The Ultimate O. They'll take you through the process of becoming orgasmic step by step.

Intimacy Q & A: Orgasm Issues