LoveLesson Two
FINDING YOUR SEXUAL STYLE:
Are you a Lion, Bear, Bee, or Otter?

First, take the LoveStyles Quiz and find your sexual style. Next, have your partner take the quiz. Then learn how your different styles match up. If you're like most people, you probably found that you're more than one animal. There are Lion-Bee, Lion-Otter, Bear-Bee, and Bear-Otter combinations; or you can have a predominantly Lion style with some Bear tendencies, or a Bee style with some Otter tendencies, etc. Each style ranges from mild to extreme. The goal of all growth is the development of flexibility and balance. However, by understanding what makes Lions, Bears, Otters, and Bees tick, you'll be better able to predict the trouble spots before they happen and be prepared to handle them more creatively when they do.

Changing your Sexual Style:
It's difficult but not impossible to modify your sexual style. Because style is reflected through your behavior, the best way to alter it is to do something differently.

Try this exercise:
Put your hands in front of you (palms facing) and lace your fingers together. Is your right or left thumb on top? Now try to switch the position of your thumb. Feels awkward, doesn't it? We've developed a "usual" way of doing things and we feel uncomfortable changing the status quo. The same is true for how we brush our teeth, hold our knife and fork, or drive to work. We're creatures of habit and it takes practice and repetition to make changes. The good news is that small changes can have huge results. The secret to making sex extraordinary depends on your willingness to face the hidden parts of yourself, confront the fears that accompany intimacy, try out an unfamiliar response, risk an unexpected reaction, and challenge your typical sexual style.

So, how do Lions, Bears, Bees, and Otters make love? How can you live with your chosen animal, and how can you adapt to match your lover better? Read on.

Lion: The Energizer
Bear: The Stabilizer
Bee: The Worker
Otter: The Player


The Characteristics of the Four Principal Animal Archetypes


SEXUAL STYLES SUMMARY


LoveTools: Games to Play With Your Lion, Bear, Bee and Otter

LION: The Energizer

Lions are leaders in work and play -- intensely caring, assertive, and demanding. Lions crave attention and although they give off a confident air, they want desperately to be noticed. Abandonment is their greatest fear--so don't walk out on your Lion during an argument. Looks count, so don't think you can show up wearing any old thing if you're trying to impress your Lion and expect an exciting evening. Lions love a challenge--mentally, physically, and emotionally. But this isn't as great as it sounds. Lions have high standards and tend to be self-critical as well as critical of others.

If you're a Lion, you need to learn: Patience, tolerance, to temper your intensity with understanding, and to not "mother" your partner.

If your lover is a Lion: He or she will love to be in control, but appreciates being pursued every now and then. Your Lion lover is sensitive about their sexual prowess and may take credit for your orgasm, but they appreciate hearing direct honest communication. Sexy talk is a turn on for your Lion, so don't withhold your sounds in bed. Because of their competitive nature, sexual problems with orgasm or ejaculation aren't uncommon. Reassuring touch and focusing on the pleasure of the moment (instead of the four star orgasm) is helpful. When Lions feel appreciated, they can be intensely passionate lovers.

Lions and their Lovers
Lion and Lion: Your combined energy can make for some powerful passion. The challenge is learning how to resolve the competitive struggles amicably.

Lion and Bear: A perfect fit - energizer and stabilizer. The problem comes when the Lion becomes the "mommy" or "daddy" and the bear takes on the role of child. Learn to share your power.

Lion and Bee: A perfectionistic duo - energy and technical prowess. If you give your Bee specific instructions, they will be glad to oblige. Be careful, if you get too focused on making each time technically better than the last -- you'll take all the fun out of sex.

Lion and Otter: Otters are thrill-seekers and a barrel of laughs. Don't try to control your Otter's enthusiasm and you're sure to venture to new erotic heights.

BEAR: The Stabilizer

Bears are an anchor in a storm. Their powerful generosity and good natured receptivity make them attractive to anyone who values a listening ear. But don't let their implacable exteriors fool you - they are very sensitive to the opinions of others. Bears fear rejection and criticism and are reluctant to take risks. They're more comfortable waiting for you to make the first move. They are slow to anger, but even slower to forgive. It will be hard for you to know what your bear is really feeling, because they probably won't tell you and will expect you to guess. Sexually they are sometimes more interested in pleasing their partners more than themselves. In extreme cases this may result in problems with arousal (lubrication and erection) or rapid or delayed ejaculation.

If you're a Bear, you need to learn: To take risks and say what you're thinking or feeling.

If your lover is a Bear: You'll get much more with honey than with vinegar. Don't let their gruff exterior fool you, Bears are tender souls and are easily hurt, although you may not know it when you do. Temper your criticisms with appreciative comments and don't pressure your lover. Even if your Bear appears to cave in to your pressure, they'll resist indirectly and may explode way down the road. Better to give your Bear space, and learn to accept that you can't always have things your way.

Bears and their Lovers
Bear and Bear: No arguments here, just quiet accommodation. Boredom is the problem that often occurs. Neither lover wants to take a risk, so lovemaking can become a stale routine. The challenge is for one (or both) to begin to initiate and take more risks.

Bear and Bee: A functional pair. This couple gets the romantic "work" done, but limited in passion. The challenge is for the bear to try something new and for the bee to depart from their tried and true lesson plan.

Bear and Otter: It's not unusual for these two to find themselves making serenely beautiful sensuous love. The calming Bear is the perfect partner for the frisky Otter. The challenge emerges if this duo gets married because neither of them is skilled at being responsible for running a household.

Bear and Lion: A perfect fit - energizer and stabilizer. The problem comes when the Lion becomes the "mommy" or "daddy" and the bear takes on the role of child. Learn to share your power.

BEE: The Worker

Precise, practical and well organized, Bees work hard at everything they do. Because they are perfectionists, they strive to excel and have difficulty relaxing and going with the flow. Bees will do anything for home and hearth. You'll have a well-padded pension fund, a superb credit rating, and will be considered a pillar of the community. Bees are known to be meticulous housekeepers and excellent providers. Sexually, they strive to be technically perfect and will leave no page unturned in the Kama Sutra in their attempt to give you the best orgasm possible. The challenge for the Bee is learning how to have fun. Pure and simple fun isn't simple for them. They do best with a road map and an itinerary and their biggest fear is losing control. Because performance and perfection are so important, problems with sexual arousal or response are not uncommon for them.

If you're a Bee, you need to learn: To trust your feelings as much as facts and to let go of some of your control.

If your lover is a Bee: Present your concerns factually and don't flood your Bee partner with tearful pleas. Don't accumulate a long list of grievances. Bees appreciate focus and timeliness. Don't forget that feelings don't come easily to them. Instead of telling them to show you more affection, tell them what they can do to make you feel loved. If you long for a free-spirited lover, a Bee will not make the top of the list. But if you're open to taking the time a Bee requires to plan a romantic getaway, you can have a memorable time.

Bees and their Lovers
Bee and Bee: The two of you will be technically without equal--but don't forget that sex is supposed to be fun!

Bee and Otter: A complementary couple. The Bees attention to detail and the Otter's creativity is a great combination as long as each is willing to deviate from their individual preferred style and learn from their lover.

Bee and Bear: A functional pair. This couple get the romantic "work" done, but limited in passion. The challenge is for the bear to try something new and for the bee to depart from their tried and true lesson plan.

Bee and Lion: A perfectionistic duo--energy and technical prowess. If you give your Bee specific instructions, they will be glad to oblige. Be careful, if you get too focused on making each time technically better than the last--you'll take all the fun out of sex.

OTTER: The Player

Otters know that life is about the journey, not the destination. They believe, "If it's fun, let's try it--make hay while the sun shines!" Unlike the Bee, the Otter considers neatness unimportant--why bother making the bed if you're going to get back into it in a few hours? They can turn a simple trip to a video store into an adventure. They love variety, spontaneity, and don't harbor resentments. But commitment isn't their favorite concept, so don't expect your Otter to be enthusiastic about settling down in that vine-covered cottage. Their greatest fear is being limited or fenced-in. Otters need their freedom and do well with lovers who are equally trusting and adventuresome.

If you're an Otter, you need to learn that: