Answer the following questions as "never" "sometimes"
or "regularly" and ask yourself how important each of these
actions are to making YOU feel loved.
1. How often do you each say I love you and mean it? Is
this important to you?
2. How often do you each look into your partner's eyes when
he/she is talking?
3. How often do you tell your partner you appreciate something
4. How often do you sincerely say "please," "thank you,"
or "I'm sorry?"
5. How often do you make time to have fun with each other?
6. How often do you laugh with one another?
7. How often do you reach out and touch each other affectionately
(outside of the bedroom and in the bedroom)?
8. How often do you call your partner just to say you're
thinking of him/her?
9. How often do you kiss longer than 2-3 seconds?
10. How often do you think about your partner when you're
apart (do you tell them)?
Please remember that goal here is NOT to find fault or
blame your partner - the goal is to develop a game plan
to correct old distancing patterns and to grow closer by
finding out what makes each of you feel loved.
If you answer "rarely" you can probably assume that those
actions either don't matter to you or that you've forgotten
to show love on a regular basis. Couples are surprised to
discover that they've been trying to do things to please
their lovers and were feeling unappreciated because their
actions weren't being experienced as loving! Use the Loving
Actions LoveTool to stimulate discussion and help you create
an actual list of what each of you values most. Number the
list from the most to least important.
As always, use the Stop, Look,
and Listen LoveTool to listen to each other's point
of view and respect one another's feelings. Once you've
each shared what makes you feel loved give your list to
your partner. The partner then commits to selecting one
or two items from their lover's list to make them feel loved
in their own special way. Couples who have used this tool
find results immediately. It doesn't take a lot of time--just
some effort. Make sure to do one or more things from their
list within the next week and stick to your plan. Following
through and consistency are important to strengthen trust
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