Focus on Appreciation*
- Take two separate sheets of paper, one for each of you.
- Make a list of all of the things you appreciate or admire
about your partner.
- Think about the way he/she looks, feels, smells, tastes,
sounds. Think about what you enjoy doing together. Think
about all of the positive things that make your partner
the person you decided to spend the rest of your life
- Complete these phrases to help you get started:
- I appreciate your__________.
- I fell in love with you because I admire your___________.
- What I'd like to learn from you is _____________
- When I first met you, the thing I liked the most
- One thing I like about you physically is _________.
- One thing I like about your personality is_________
- I really enjoy it when you___________ .
- If we were to break up, or if I were to lose you,
what I would miss most about you would be your ___________.
- I know I don't tell you often enough that I _____________.
- I love you because_______________.
Make your list as long as you like. Then take turns sharing
it with your partner. Hold hands and look into each other's
eyes as you read your list. Start each sentence with an
"I statement." For example, "I appreciate the fact that
you're an excellent provider, I appreciate that you're a
wonderful mother to our children, your generosity, your
beautiful smile, or the way my arm fits so perfectly around
your waist when we dance together." You decide how intimate
to make your list. After you hear your partner reads his
or her list to you, find some way to say "thank you."
*(Excerpted from Dr. Scantling's Extraordinary Sex Now:
A Couple's Guide to Intimacy, Doubleday, 1998)
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