PE (also called rapid ejaculation) is a common problem, suffered by nearly one-third of men. It ranges from mild to severe. Some men with severe PE may ejaculate before they penetrate. Then there are those men who complain of being premature ejaculators when they climax after five minutes of vigorous intercourse.
Lasting longer is a preoccupation of many males. Preferred length of intercourse varies for each couple. Some couples like to build their arousal with non-penetrative touching, get close to orgasm and then climax after a few seconds of penetration. There are others who like their partner to have an orgasm with oral sex and then follow up with brief or not so brief penetration, and there are those who like prolonged involved intercourse without any other touching.
The variations are endless. PE is a more complicated issue than most know. Rapid ejaculation doesn’t just happen in your penis; its often a relationship issue. If you would like professional help, look at www.aasect.org for a certified sex therapist in your area.
There are a number of treatments for PE. You may be prescribed low doses of antidepressants classified as SSRI’s (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) such as Sertraline, Fluoxetine, Paroxetine to slow ejaculation. I usually recommend that men practice Kegel exercises to strengthen their pelvic floor. (No, it’s not just for women who have experienced childbirth). Check out www.kegel-exercises.com.
The centerpiece of most PE treatment is mastering the correct steps of the “stop-start technique.” The steps are readily available in most sex therapy self-help books. During masturbation, stimulate until you reach the point of inevitability, pause, regain control, and resume. Raise and lower your arousal three times, and then allow yourself to climax.
The goals of the stop-start are to identify your own arousal, recognize the subtleties of your body’s response, reduce your anxiety, move closer to the point of no return without overshooting the mark, and increase your pleasure.
If you have better control when you masturbate, practice some “bridging approaches” as you do the stop-start technique. First, masturbate while thinking or visualizing your partner, then masturbate while looking at a photo of them; next, ask them to simply be present as you touch yourself. The next step is to ask them to put their hand on yours as you stimulate yourself. Then incorporate lubrication.
Only when you’ve developed control in all of those stages should you practice the stop-start technique during vaginal or anal penetration. And please don’t use anesthetic gels or creams to numb your penis (and your partner’s genitals) or wear three condoms. What’s the point if neither of you is feeling any pleasure?
Many patients say, “I tried the stop-start, and it didn’t work.” Usually it’s because they rushed the process and tried to stop and start before they were ready.
Rushing is what created this problem, remember? Practice and patience are the keys to better control and more enjoyable sex.